April, The Month of Balance and Adjustment: Trying to keep up the good work without losing my mind

Hi friends!  Thanks for checking back in with me on my journey through “The Year of Goals”.  I really appreciate all the encouragement and support I’ve received since my last blog post.  What I’ll be doing in this post is telling you about how my March goal turned out and updating you about my plans for April… and beyond!




So let’s do it!

My goal for the month of March was to do a daily devotion in order to draw near to God and strengthen my spiritual health.  Even though I did not do an actual devotion every single day of the month, I feel that this goal was a smashing success!  I stumbled around, at first, trying to find the right way (for me, personally) to go about this daily quiet time with God.  The formula I landed on was:

• Reading a portion of a book (right now I’m finishing up “Uninvited” by Lysa TerKeurst, of which I can’t say enough positive things)
• Taking notes on sections/quotes that were important to me
• Journaling my prayers
• Writing out prayer requests (I would pray over the same five or six requests each day of the week)
• Writing a daily list of things for which I am grateful

When I started doing the weekly prayer requests, it felt kind of strange and redundant to pray over the same people and situations over and over every day for a week.  And I felt really convicted by this.  I mean, when someone says, “I’m praying for you,” isn’t this what you expect the person to do?  Actively pray over you over an extended period of time?  Why then, when I say, “I’m praying for you,” do I say a quick prayer once, and then move on with my day?  So I committed to push through the awkward repetition, and go to bat for the people I love every day for a week.  And the results were kind of amazing.  I found that God was actually working in the lives of those I continued praying over.  I don’t want to share everyone else’s business on my blog, but I will give y’all one example, because I know she won’t mind.  :-) 

One week, I committed to praying for my youngest sister, Cori Beth.  She has been married for a year now, and from what I hear, the first few years of marriage can be hard.  On top of this, she has recently been contemplating her next steps with family and career.  So I started praying that God would give her clarity; that He would lead her very specifically in the direction she should go; that she would be attuned to His timing for her life.  She called me out of the blue that week to ask for my help on her cover letter so that she could apply to a Nurse Practitioner program… Not only had God given her clarity on what her next step should be, He had led her to a wonderful, affordable program so that she could confidently pursue this next step!  Then I started praying over her application: that she would have peace and encouragement, no matter the outcome.  And just last week, she found out that she was one of 20 individuals (out of 90 applicants) to be accepted to this program!  Now, I’m not claiming any responsibility for this blessing – but I am amazed at how I’ve really gotten to witness God’s work as I’ve drawn near to Him and committed to spending more quality time with Him.  And I’m so grateful.

I decided to focus on a couple of topics during my bible study: loneliness and waiting.  Any y’all… the Lord really spoke to me on these topics.  I’m eventually going to do a separate blog post on truths I discovered about God’s promises in times of waiting, because I got a lot of material on that topic, and I think it’s relevant to almost all of us in different ways.  For now, let me just say that I feel the Lord working in my life.  I feel His presence and His hand in my time of waiting.  I am working to grow more confident in claiming His promises and living in them, but I’ve come to some really serious realizations in this time - realizations that terrified me in the moment, but I’m excited about them now.  I have so much peace about my period of waiting, which is the best I can ask for moving forward.  Again, more on this later!

This brings me to April.  Let me give you some perspective.

Before “The Year of Goals” started, my schedule looked something like this every day:

• 7:00am – wake up, get ready for work
• 8:45am – get to work
• 5:15pm – leave work 
• 6:00pm – 10:00pm – make and eat dinner, be lazy, maybe take a shower, eventually go to bed

In February, I added 45 minutes of exercise into the mix.  In March, I added 45 minutes of Bible study/devotion/quiet time each day.  Now, I’m preparing for a week-long cruise and working 10 hour days trying to build up some credit/comp time so that I don’t have to use all my annual leave while I’m on vacation.  Here’s what my schedule looks like at the moment:

·        5:30am – wake up, get ready for work

·        7:00am – get to work

·        5:30pm – leave work

·        6:00pm – make and eat dinner

·        7:00pm – workout

·        7:45pm – shower

·        8:15pm – devotion

·        9:00pm – get ready for bed (walk Gabby, give her medicine, brush teeth, etc)

·        9:30pm – bedtime 

Y’all… this is really hard.  It NEVER works this way.  I’m not usually even in bed by 9:30 much less asleep by that time.  So I never get the 8 hours of sleep I’m trying to; and I don’t know about you, but my body really requires a LOT of sleep and NEVER gets it.  As usual, I have so much respect for parents… How do people do what they need to take care of themselves AND take care of other human beings at the same time?!?  Anyway, the good news is, I won’t always be working 10 hour days.  The bad news is, I will be working 10 hour days throughout the month of April.  So, I’ve decided that it’s more realistic for me to use this month to continue figuring out how to balance everything rather than adding a new goal on top of everything.  In light of this, I declare April “The Month of Balance and Adjustment: Trying to keep up the good work without losing my mind”.  I hope you all will wish me luck and continue praying for me as I work to juggle everything so that I can move more confidently into my next goal.  As you all know by now, June is going to be a month of huge change in my life, so I feel like I need to give myself some breathing room while I can.

And for those of you who care to know, the updated list of goals is below.

2018: The Year of Goals

January – drink more water

February – exercise

March – daily devotion

April – balance and adjustment

May – read more

June – get organized and prepared for my move

July – join Weight Watchers

August – reevaluate my budget and master the art of saving money

September – to be determined

October – to be determined

November – to be determined

December – to be determined

As always, I’d love your advice and suggestions regarding how to be successful at my various goals or goals I should add to the list later in the year.  Thank you for your continued support.  In the meantime, don’t forget to laugh it off!

2018: The Year of Goals

As far back as I can remember, I’ve never been much of a New Year’s Resolution person.  As is evident by my last post, I’m a generally happy person; and I think that’s a bit of a double-edged sword.  While it’s always good to feel positively about oneself, my lack of self-loathing usually leaves me completely unmotivated to do anything to better myself.  So when NYE rolls around every year, I’m not obsessing over things I want to improve, I’m just floating along – #NewYearSameMe.  However, this year, after my first week back at work, I was having a typical RAGING Saturday night: me, on the couch, binge watching TV, eating junk, perusing Pinterest.  And something inspired me.  I didn’t really even know what it was (Spoiler Alert: IT WAS JESUS *prayer hands emoji).  I started a private board, “2018”, and starting pinning things I’d like to start doing this year.  Things to improve my health and well being – physically, spiritually, and financially.  And then, for the first time in as long as I can remember, I got to work doing those things.

So, I have dubbed 2018, “The Year of Goals”, and I’ve set out to incorporate one healthy habit into my life each month.  I don’t yet have goals selected for every month this year, but I have ideas for the ones that aren’t set in stone yet.  Here’s what I have so far:

January: Water

February: Exercise

March: Devotions

April: Read

May: Sleep

June: Organization, Preparation, Focus

July: not decided

August: Savings/Budget

September: not decided

October: not decided

November: not decided

December: not decided

I’m going to break all of these down for you below.  January and February will be fairly detailed since they’ve come and gone, but I’ll do separate posts on each remaining month. 

January: Water

• My goal for January was to increase my daily water intake to the FDA recommended amount.  While I’m usually just under this recommendation each day, I’ve significantly increased my water intake.  

• Some background information: I used to start each day with a can of Diet Coke, the same way some folks start with a cup of coffee.  While I still LOVE Diet Cokes, I made the decision last year to stop stocking my house with them.  I just decided that was money I could be spending elsewhere, and people have been trying to prove to me for years how bad they are for me.  I guess I thought, “Hey, I’ll save some money, and if I happen to lose a little weight, that’s just icing on top!”  I did not lose any weight.  But I broke the habit and just never went back.  Now I only drink Diet Cokes on special occasions, like when I’m out eating at a restaurant or grabbing the occasional fast food.  Even so, I would take one of my stainless steel tumbles full of ice water to work every day, and I wouldn’t even finish that – like I wouldn’t have to refill it once because I would drink so little.  I’m pretty sure I should have just been permanently dehydrated – maybe I was.

• Back to the present: I did some research.  According to the Mayo clinic, the recommended daily water intake for women is 2.7 liters, or 11.5 cups.  My stainless steel tumblers both hold about 17 ounces, so I would need to drink about 5 of them each day to reach the recommended amount.  So I set alarms every day for 10:00 am, 1:00 pm, 4:00 pm, 7:00 pm, and 10:00 pm – reminders to myself to finish the bottle of water I’m working on and move on the next.  After the first week, I didn’t need the alarms anymore, I just knew the times I was supposed to move on to my next bottle.  This particular goal proved fairly easy for me.  I have not lost any weight with my water intake, but I haven’t been discouraged by that fact because it wasn’t my goal to begin with.  Besides, I didn’t change my eating or exercising habits so, I shouldn’t expect some huge physical change here.  I have noticed that I’m sleeping better at night and I feel like I generally have more energy during the day.

February: Exercise

• My goal in February was to exercise for at least 30 minutes, 3 times per week.  Once again, I’m not putting pressure on myself to lose any weight here.  I just want to feel good.  I want to have some stamina.  I don’t want to hurt all over all the time.  I want some extra confidence. I want to feel accomplished.

• I hate exercising.  There, I said it.  Going to a gym, even the small one in my apartment complex, makes me uncomfortable and awkward.  I hate it.  So I did some research and found some bodyweight exercise routines on Pinterest.  I combined a few into a routine that takes about 20 minutes, and then found some post-workout yoga, which takes another 20 minutes.You guys… I kinda enjoy it.  Especially the yoga part.  I hope this means that, eventually, I’ll be able to find a gym where I’m comfortable going and doing some things, like group yoga classes!

• Anyway, I ended up doing about 45 minutes, 2 times per week.  It was only this past week that I was able to get in 3 workouts.  But I’m happy with my progress overall.  I think the biggest win in February was my eagerness to actually do the workouts.

March: Daily Devotions

• My goal in March is to make time for a daily devotion.  This one is obviously focused on my spiritual health, which I’ve certainly been neglecting this past year. I hope to draw near to the Lord in a period of loneliness and bring purpose to this time of my life.

April: Read

• My goal in April is to read more and watch TV less.  I’m not entirely sure how I’ll implement this yet.  My initial thought was to make sure I turn the TV off at a certain time each night, and only read after that time.  I also think I may just commit to not watching TV in bed, only reading while I wind down and try to get to sleep.

May: Sleep

• My goal in May is to get more sleep.  I never wake up in the morning feeling like I’ve gotten enough sleep.  And on any given Friday night, when I have no obligations on Saturday morning, I can easily sleep 11-13 hours.  These things lead me to believe that my body requires more sleep during the week that it’s currently getting.  I try to get 8 hours each night, but I rarely achieve that.  So, in May, I plan to do what I can to prioritize sleep.

June: Organization, Preparation, Focus

• There are some potentially big life changes coming in June for which I need to be organized, prepared, and focused.  I’ll share more about this as soon as I’m able!

August: Savings/Budget

• This will be a good time of year for me to reevaluate my budget and start working on actually saving money each month instead of living paycheck to paycheck.

Part of my aim in sharing these goals with you all is to get your suggestions.  As you can see, I don’t have set goals in mind for July or September – December.  I’d love to know what you’ve done recently to improve your health and well-being that you’d suggest I try.  I have some rough ideas (limiting my gluten intake, trying out Whole30) that I may implement, but I’m open to suggestions.  I’m not just interested in physical health suggestions; I want to improve my overall well-being this year.

My other aim, in sharing these goals with you, is accountability.  I hope that by no longer keeping these private, I’ll be even more motivated to follow through and keep you all posted with my progress.  I’ll be sharing my fears and frustrations and my small and large victories, and I’ll be laughing it off along the way.  I hope that you will pray for me, check on me, and encourage me as I move forward.

So, here’s the 2018: The Year of Goals.  Let’s do this.

My Life Feels like Hot Mess: A Reminder to Us All

My Life Feels like Hot Mess: A Reminder to Us All

Let me recap my Friday for you.

Here’s how it should have gone.

• 5:30 am – Up and at ‘em!

• 6:30 am – Leave for work

• 7:00 am – Get to work

• 11:45 am – Eat lunch, leftovers from last night because I’m broke and have no business eating out

• 3:30 pm – Get off work

• 3:45 pm – Get allergy shots

• 4:15 pm – Head home to enjoy a raging Friday night with the Gabster (my canine companion, of course)

Here’s how it actually went.

• 5:30 am – Alarm goes off; I hit snooze

• 6:00 am – I decide that I’ll go get my shot when they open at 8:00 am and head to work afterwards.  “Sure, I’ll have to work until 5:30, but at least I get another 30 minutes of sleep!”

• 6:30 am – Alarm goes off again; I hit snooze again

• 6:45 am – I finally get out of bed... and move to get ready as quickly as possible.

• 7:35 am – I decide I have time to go by Starbucks and grab some breakfast on my way to the allergist.

• 7:45 am – I go through the Starbucks drive-thru, ordering a drink and a breakfast sandwich.  They hand me my drink, I say, “Thank you”… And proceed to drive off without my sandwich.  I get about 1 mile down the road before I realize.  My immediate instinct is to turn around, but I don’t have the extra five minutes to spare.  If I don’t head straight to the allergist, I won’t have time to get the shot, wait the 30 minutes for observation, and still get to work on time.  My next thought is to call them and explain what I did, pray they can credit me for the sandwich somehow.  As soon as I pick the phone up, I remember that don’t have cell service at the moment (due to a mistake regarding the switch from Verizon to AT&T, my Verizon service was cut off before my AT&T phone got to me).  “Oh well,” I think, “I’m just out of that $6.  Gotta move on with my day.”

• 8:02 am – I arrive at the allergist, and they inform me that they don’t have any serum to give me a shot, because I never returned a call from the billing department about mixing a new vial.  I just laugh at myself at this point.  Of course I can’t even get my allergy shot.  It’s no one’s fault but mine, and there’s nothing we can do about it today.  I’ll call the billing folks when I get to work.

• 11:35 am – My breakfast-sandwich-less stomach is growling.  I decide it’s time for lunch… and remember that my leftovers are still sitting in the fridge at home. I order from the Mexican restaurant across the street, spending money I don’t have.  By the time I pick it up and get back to the office, my 30-minute lunch is 10 minutes from over, so I eat quickly and give myself indigestion.

Now this particular day is definitely more of a hot mess than most, but it triggered me to want to write about the general lack of control I feel in my life.  I find small moments of purpose – like when I’m genuinely helpful to a member of the public at work or when I find the time to exercise a couple of days a week – but overall, I feel totally out of control.  Like I’m always staying up later than I planned, and never getting enough sleep, forgetting to call someone, blowing my budget a week before I get paid again.  My apartment is messy, my car is disgusting (which is one of my dad’s pet peeves… Sorry, Dad!), my hair goes up in a bun almost every day for work.  What am I doing?

I wish I could press a reset button on Monday and suddenly be the person I want to be.  What’s stopping me?  The answer: in a lot of ways, I already am the person I want to be.  I am kind, generous, and patient.  I generally have high self-esteem.  I’m funny and encouraging.  So what if I’m a hot mess?  I’m a hot mess of awesome.  So here’s a reminder to myself and all of you: just keep doing the best you can.  Appreciate yourself! Give yourself a break.  LAUGH IT OFF!  You’re okay.  You’re great!  And I’m great too.  

Six Years of Singleness: An Update

Spoiler Alert: I’m having a harder time laughing it off…

Wow you guys.  I started this blog 3 years ago with dewy-eyed wonderment and the grandest of intentions.  If you haven’t read my very first blog post, please feel free to check it out before proceeding.  I just refreshed my own memory, and I have to admit, it made me feel a few things.  Pride, sadness, longing, thankfulness – they’re all present here today.  I’m proud I had the courage to speak so openly about my experiences.  I’m sad that I don’t find happiness in my singleness as easily these days.  I long for a time when I didn’t physically feel my biological clock ticking away the seconds of my best potential child-baring years.  I’m incredibly grateful for friends and family who still love and care for me in ways I cannot love and care for myself.

So here I am.  It has been six years since I dated someone.  Six years since I kissed someone romantically.  Six years since I was held like that, looked at like that, talked to like that.  Other than a few awkward let-me-dance-up-on-you moments at one random bar or another (because I’m out so often *sarcasm*), I’ve had no indication that anyone has even been interested in me. 

Now that I’m a whopping 28, singleness looks a lot different than it did at 25 just three years ago.  Sometimes it looks like an independent woman, working hard to provide for herself, enjoying down time alone on the weekends, cooking extravagant meals just because she likes to cook – even if just for one.  I get to watch whatever I want on TV when I come home from work every afternoon.  I get to listen to a podcast about the Bachelor/Bachelorette franchise on road trips.  I take myself to the movies almost every weekend – to see whatever I want.  I go to bed when I want to; I get up when I want to.  I go home to see my family whenever I want to.  I spend all my money on me (and Gabby, of course).

Sometimes it looks a lot less empowered.  Sometimes it’s me struggling to pay the bills because I’m in a single income household.  Sometimes I’m crying on the phone to my mom or over FaceTime with my best friends.  I wonder what’s wrong with me.  Is my personality too strong?  Am I too fat?  I want children so badly that, at times, it physically hurts.  I don’t travel as much as I’d like to because there aren’t many places I want to go alone.  I spend most of my free time alone.  I miss having someone to call my own, someone who absolutely adores me.  I wish I had a partner to lean on, to bounce ideas off of, to share in my joy and in my pain, to plan a future with.  I go to bed alone; I wake up alone.  I run home to see my family when my loneliness becomes suffocating.  I panic at the thought that maybe God intends for me to be single forever.

Yeah, it gets a little dark and depressing.  Thankfully, I haven’t lost my support system or my sense of humor.  Like I said, it’s harder to laugh it off nowadays; but it’s not impossible.  I still find moments of joy and laughter – with family, friends, and within.  Here’s the thing: I’m still single because I’ve chosen to be.  Well kind of.

In 2011, when my last relationship (THE relationship) ended, I prayed that God would know my heart.  He and I agreed that I was done dating.  I was ready to be married.  I wanted the next guy that came along to be THE guy.  I knew my heart couldn’t take another heartbreak like I had experienced then.  I knew what I wanted – to be a wife and mother – and what I was capable of – being the ultimate life partner.  My parents bought me this beautiful pearl ring, and I had “Be still.” engraved in the band to remind myself that whatever God brought into my life would be worth the wait.  Well, 2011 Caitlin, be careful what you pray for!

Unfortunately, I tend to find myself wallowing in singleness more often than thriving in it.  But in those wallowing moments, I’m always reminded of this prayer and God’s faithfulness to my request.  He’s always trying to draw me closer to Him, I’m just not always receptive to it.  Sometimes I feel angry that I’m still alone… knowing that He’s only giving me all that I asked for.  I used to say He was just working on my future husband, but I know now that He’s working on me too.  There are still things I need to improve upon in order to be the best partner I can be.  I truly feel that the Lord would not have put the desire to be a wife and mother so heavily on my heart if it wasn’t meant to be for me.  I continue to pray that, if He doesn’t intend to bring such things into my life, he will take these desires away.  And yet here I am.  Writing this for all of you to read.  I still want it. 

I’m trying to be still.  I’m trying to enjoy the time I have with friends and family while waiting to start my own.  I’m seeking peace.  And I’m trying to rely on God in the meantime for comfort and support, to ease my loneliness. 

Don’t worry about me.  I’m still here.  I’m still laughing it off.

Alright y'all, I've had it.

Ok, that's it.  I've had it.  I'm done.

I have just seen YET ANOTHER post on social media that states (if I may paraphrase), "I'm voting for Donald Trump because I'm a Christian."

And I have to say something.  I'm mad at myself that I've given the naysayers enough power that I feel the need to become defensive; however, this is the position I find myself in, and I'm going with it.  If you care to hear me out, read on!

---------------------------------

*deep breath*

I have a really hard time labeling myself as a "liberal".  Frankly, I'm sure that if I did, many of you would be disappointed in me.  You would feel that I have been brainwashed, poisoned.  You would worry for my well being.  You would pray for me.  You would shake your head and give knowing glances to my parents around town... "I'm so sorry," your face would say, "I thought your daughter was better than that."

I don't agree with "the left" on every issue.  I am pretty firmly planted in the middle on most political policies.  If you'd like more information on where I stand on different issues, please let me know!  The point is, I'm not going to label myself.  I'm not a democrat; I'm not a republican.  I don't believe in our current system or it's ability to do much good for any of us.  In the last election, I didn't even vote.  I felt so numb to the whole process, like nothing I said, thought, or did would matter.

However, throughout the current election season, as Donald Trump has risen to the position he's currently in, something stirred inside of me.  Something angry, hurt, indignant, and strong.  And suddenly, it didn't matter to me that the system is imperfect.  When I read Donald Trump's offensive tweets, heard him "speak his mind" on television and the radio, read article after article about his lack of tact and poise, I felt a fire in my soul that I couldn't ignore.

I truly, deeply care about people and their God-given rights.  I've always passionately rooted for the underdog, which would include minorities and women, because I always felt they needed as many champions as they can get.  I'm not perfect, but I work hard to fight my own prejudices and assumptions EVERY DAY.  Racism and sexism are real, and they live in the minds and hearts of many of us.  It's okay to admit that.  But it's not okay to ignore it, act on it, or praise someone promoting it in a public arena.  It's not charming that Donald Trump "isn't a politician."  His comments and actions (encouraging violence at his rallies, suggesting Muslims not be allowed to enter our country, alluding the the fact that he'd like to commit incest with his daughter, to name a few) are disgusting.  If you'd like more examples, let me know.  No, you will not convince me Trump is not racist or sexist; please don't go there.

Just as it instills in me a passion for women and minorities, this care I feel for others is why I would never say something like:

"Trump supporters are amoral."
"Trump supporters are brainwashed, just drinking the koolaid."
"Trump supporters will believe anything said against Hillary."
"Trump supporters believe the Bible is up for interpretation."
"Trump supporters are a special kind of stupid."

These are all things that my Facebook friends (and/or their friends) have said about Hillary supporters.  This election has been polarizing in the worst ways, and much of what we've all said has been driven by emotion.  Would you say something like that about me, specifically?  Would you say, "Caitlin Sutton is a special kind of stupid"?  I'd really like to think not.  I'd like to think you all know me well enough to know I'm not amoral, brainwashed, or unintelligent.  And I'd REALLY like to think y'all know where I stand with Jesus and the Bible.  But you're not thinking about me or any other particular individual when you say these things.  You're thinking about a collective enemy, that doesn't have a familiar face.

Here's what you need to know: my genuine care for people is what makes me so passionately #nevertrump.  I know that my vote may not make a difference, as Georgia has been a republican state for as long as I can remember, but I won't be counted in the number that rewarded this man's behavior.  I understand, and am working to accept, that none of you will be persuaded (one way or the other) by anything I have to say here.  I just feel the need to explain and defend one of MY God-given rights.

So, that's it.  I've had it.  I am NOT a bad Christian for choosing not to vote for the Republican candidate this year.

I'm with her... And I'd appreciate it if you treated me with respect anyway.

About Bigmama...

This is my grandmother, Jane Young.

She is affectionately known as Bigmama around our hometown.  She is a mother of 5 and grandmother of 14... She's even a great-grandmother!  She is a cancer survivor, a fierce believer in the Lord, and a strong woman all-around.  She is hysterical, sometimes when she doesn't mean to be.  Just mentioning Bigmama brings a grin to the faces of EVERYONE who knows her; each person can recall a time that Bigmama made them smile or laugh.  She is generous, but frugal.  She is kind, but honest.  She is beautiful and smart.  She is absolutely the foundation of our large extended family.  I feel so blessed to know her and to have her present in my life.

One of Bigmama's favorite places on Earth is the McDonalds in Sylvester, GA.  Yes, I'm serious.  This woman LOVES her McDonalds.  Specifically, she loves her McDonalds Diet Cokes.  If she passes McDonalds, she's going in to get a coke.  If you're passing McDonalds on the way to see her, you're stopping to get her a coke.  And no, you may not got through the drive-thru, because those Diet Cokes taste different and she can tell!  She often makes trips to town just to stop by McDonalds.  This doesn't even include the mornings she and Bigdaddy spend eating breakfast and "visiting" at McDonalds.  When Bigmama was going through chemo treatments, she often told her children and grandchildren that she couldn't wait to be well enough to get another Diet Coke from McDonalds.

During her battle with cancer in 2012.  She BEAT it!

Yesterday, Bigmama went into McDonalds, and was not greeted by anyone at the counter.  In fact, the young woman working the register ran to the back of the kitchen and she and her coworkers refused to wait on my grandmother.  As she repeatedly asked for someone to come take her order, these young men and women laughed at her and turned away.  When she left, without service, the McDonalds employees continued laughing, as one crudely imitated the way Bigmama walks with a cane.  They were, apparently, unaware that two of Bigmama's own grandchildren were in the restaurant witnessing this horrible behavior.

My family is obviously hurt, disappointed, and enraged by this incident.  I, for one, am shocked that anyone could treat another human being this way, much less an elderly person.  I will never understand how difficult it is for some people to feel empathy towards others.  If this is something you struggle with, here's a free tip from me: the next time you feel ill will towards someone, imagine if that person were your grandmother, your sibling, your father, your child, etc...  How would you want someone else to treat your Bigmama?

After hearing of this incident, one of Bigmama's daughters-in-law, Nicole, posted about her anger on Facebook.  Since then, the post has been shared over 370 times across the state (even in some other states) and has received hundreds of responses between the original post and all the shares.  Countless people in our family and community have reached out to the manager of this McDonalds, the owner of the franchise, and corporate offices... Some have even gone by the McDonalds to express their disappointment with the situation.

Seeing and hearing of the people rallying around our family has been incredibly heart-warming.  And seeing and hearing my family stand together and say, "We will not stand for this" has actually made me smile a few times between the tears today.  I'm so proud to be part of community that cares and part of a family that stands to defend one another when we can't defend ourselves.

My beautiful Momma looks just like her momma!

So, as usual, I'm going to try to focus on the positive here:

- It's clear we're not the only ones who love our Bigmama.  She has made such a positive impact on so many!
- It's great to be from a small town.
- People still do the right thing every once and while.  People still love and care for each other.
- A few hateful people won't steal our joy!

I'll leave you with my favorite quote (disclaimer: the author is widely debated):

"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle."  And I'll add: Be kind, for everyone you meet is someone else's Bigmama.

My favorite picture of the three of us... circa 1999?

Dear Gabby, happy birthday!

Dear Gabby,

Today, you are nine years old... Nine isn't a particularly exciting number, and I made that worse by counting wrong and telling everyone you were eight two years ago (oops), so it's almost like you haven't aged at all... Most women would appreciate that blunder.

Some of my favorite throw-backs... All from the same Mother's Day weekend in 2009!

 Somehow, it worked out that I had the day off today, and your friend Oliver is staying with us, so I took you both on a casual stroll down to the bay. But, as usual, "casual" is a laughable concept when you're involved, because you only have two speeds: wide open, or asleep. :-) So I watched you weave to the left and right of the path, stopping to pee about 12 times, pulling on your leash until you choked, and harassing strangers with your crazy energy (not to mention poor Oliver!). I am sorry I never took you to obedience class or helped you learn to walk correctly on a leash. Though, you don't seem to mind your own lack of etiquette. 

Our lives have changed so much in nine years... We became single (and that REALLY stuck! Lol), we graduated from THE Georgia Southern and The University of South Carolina, we started a career, then we started a NEW career, and we moved way too many times to count. I get to say "we" because you were there through all of it. Granted, you may have had no choice in the matter, but I'd like to think, by way of your affection, that you'd have chosen to stick with me anyway. 

Your personality hasn't changed much over the years. You're very anxious; and I owe you an apology for laughing out loud when the vet said he thought you were Obsessive Compulsive... But COME ON! What are the chances that I would end up with an OCD dog? You never grew out of your hatred and fear of car rides, which is tragic since you've probably spent half your life in a car. I've never had a wreck with you in the car... So what's the deal with that? You sleep more now than you used to. I don't think my sedentary lifestyle has been a good influence on you. I often compare you to a cat, but you know I don't mean that. I don't worry much because the vet makes comments like, "She's gonna live a looooong time!" when he sees you spazzing out in his office... That makes me confident that your energy levels far exceed the average "senior dog". 

Last night, I was watching a reality tv show, and in that particular episode, the featured family had to put down one of their dogs. I sobbed, obviously. And you ran over to put your front paws on my chair and tilt you head in that way that says, "How can you cry when I'm so cute?" Little do you know, that's WHY I was crying at that particular moment. It's not always convenient to have you around (any parent that says otherwise is lying), but geez, the thought of living without you is heart wrenching. So do me a favor, and just go ahead and live forever, mmkay?

Now, I'm thinking you need a birthday treat. So I'm gonna get dressed, pack you in the car you despise, take you to Petsmart, where you'll be super nervous, and pick out a treat that you'll lick twice and walk away from. I think Oliver will enjoy this birthday more than you will. But I also think you'll forgive me.