If you consider yourself a young woman, please read
this. I’m afraid it may be the most
honest anyone is willing to be with you about relationships today. Remember when I said that the true measure of
a friend is how completely honest they’re willing to be with you? Well, just consider me your friend today,
young lady.
As I alluded to in my previous blog entry, I consider myself
somewhat of a monogamous relationship expert, strictly based on my experience
of having too many “serious” relationships in my 10 year dating career. Unfortunately, as a student affairs
professional, I’m also more familiar with the “hook-up culture” than I ever
aspired to be since it runs rampant on college campuses. So, with this combined knowledge, I hope to
weigh in on a subject I heard being discussed on a syndicated radio show this morning.
Ha, this is beginning
to sound like a bad cover letter… I digress.
First of all, I normally keep my radio dial on 89.7 WMHK (We
make Him known). This is the best
Christian radio station I’ve ever had the privilege of listening to, so thank
God it’s local to the Columbia area.
However, every once in a while, I need a change; so I flip over to the
local hits station (literally don’t even know the number off the top of my
head). And even less often, I tune in to
the syndicated morning show this station plays: the “Ace & TJ Show” out of
Charlotte, NC. You should know that if I
had my pick of guilty pleasure morning radio shows, I’d go with “Kidd Kraddick
in the Morning” every time. But that’s
not an option here, so sometimes I end up with the lovely DJs of the Ace &
TJ Show. I have heard Ace, TJ, and crew
laugh on air about how someone has complained that they are sexist and they don’t
care because they’re so edgy and funny and blah blah blah. Normally, I shrug this off because I don’t
listen to them often enough to have a problem with whatever they
represent.
Today was different.
Here is an excerpt from their Facebook page of the topic
they were discussing on my way to work this morning:
And just in case you’re asking yourself why this infuriated
me, let me explain further. Contrary to
what your intelligent mind is probably thinking, according to the upstanding citizens
over at Ace & TJ, women didn't lose respect for the man on cell phone
probation because of the “iffy” texts he was sending… They lost respect for him
because he gave into the “ridiculous” request of his significant other and let
her have control over his phone…
So, once again, and let this sink in… The man was not worthy
of respect because he lets his significant other see his phone when she demands
to. Not
because he potentially cheated on her.
Yeah.
Without going into too much detail about what I consider
cheating (ANYTHING under the category of “iffy” probably counts), let me give
you my thoughts on why this topic was disgusting to me. The woman on Ace & TJ’s show says that
this situation is ridiculous because obviously the girl in this relationship is
taking it too seriously. There is a fine
line between taking your relationship too seriously, and not taking it
seriously enough, and this line is certainly affected by age and maturity. For example, when you’re 15, “too seriously”
(“We are definitely getting married and here are the names of our future
children…”) is easy to achieve; when you’re 25, “not seriously enough” (“Whatever,
it’s just casual sex”) is easy to achieve.
In any case, if you are calling someone your boyfriend or “significant
other”, please please please believe that you aren’t taking anything too
seriously (at any age or maturity level) by expecting that person to be with
you and only you. It is NOT too much to
ask that a man respects you enough to not text “iffy” things to other
women. If you see or hear anything from
him that gives you an “uh-oh” feeling in your gut (you know what I’m referring
to), there is a reason for that!
God gave women this incredible gift called “intuition”;
ladies, we KNOW when something ain’t right.
It breaks my heart that we often don’t trust our own feelings in these situations
because we assume we’re “overreacting” or “too emotional” or taking things “too
seriously”. STOP THAT! You should NEVER have to apologize for your
feelings (not to be confused with apologizing for how you react to said
feelings… sometimes that definitely requires an apology).
I won’t speak for marriage, because I’ve never been in one,
and I don’t think the same rules apply; BUT, if you are just dating someone and
he does something that makes you uncomfortable in that relationship (i.e.
texting other women “iffy” things) DUMP. HIS. BEHIND. If he isn’t mature enough to handle the
responsibility of being in a relationship, like simply respecting you, move
on! Find someone more mature! As the beautiful Elsa once said, “Let it go”. This is what is known as having self-respect…
sometimes, no one else is going to do it for you.
And laugh it off.
Because God’s certainly
got something better planned for you than that nonsense.
